I finally decided to give her a name. She is always there - chiding me, trying to get me riled up. She makes me weary. Sometimes, I admit, I feel defeated. It's a constant battle. So I decided to give her a name. After all, isn't there some theory out there that says if you give your fear a name - if you label it - if you call it out - it no longer has the same power over you?
I'd like to introduce you to Hellouise. She is my inner critic. She loves to show up - especially when I am creating or contemplating more fully embracing the life of an artist. I'm not sure where her name came from. Maybe from her. Maybe some type of divine intervention. But once her name was there I couldn't help but notice how significant her name was. When I heard her chatting with me I said to her "Hello Hellouise!" Then I realized how funny her name was - in two ways. The first is when I said her name aloud I realized it was a combination of hello and ease. That by saying her name I was actually combating the purpose she tries to serve (which is anything but ease)! I also realized that her name gives me a constant choice. Another way to break down her name is hell o' ease? Her name is a constant reminder that I have a choice. I can listen to her and encourage her negative chatter and feel like I'm on the road to hell. Or I can choose ease - I can acknowledge that she has her prerogative, but I am choosing to follow another voice.
So Hellouise and I are going to make some art today. I have a feeling that she is going to get bored because I'm going to keep going and she'll realize she can't stop me! :)